Category Archives: Humor
David Rockefeller Speaks on the Divine Right of Kings
The glorious global oligarchy tragically lost one of its staunchest supporters in the autumn of 2015, when the esteemed David Rockefeller perished in a sudden explosion while re-reading his autobiographical Memoirs for the 99th time by the lily pond of his Mumbai estate.
The cause of the explosion remains a mystery to this day, but is believed by many experts to be the result of a spontaneous combustion of hubris.
Anxious to preserve what was left of Mr. Rockefeller’s peculiar visage for posterity and potential profit, Rockefeller heirs scraped up his scattered remains and stored them in the family cryogenic tomb for future cloning.
Unfortunately, the venerable Rockefeller scraps had been contaminated with pond scum in the preservation process, severely limiting their market value. They were eventually sold for $50 at a family remains clearance sale to Immortal Remains, Inc., an up-and-coming traveling freak show specializing in elite oddities from around the globe.
With an intrepid entrepreneurial spirit and an investment of only $1200, Immortal Remains created the Resurrected Rockefeller Exhibit, featuring a slightly irregular Rockefeller manufactured by Poughkeepsie Discount Clones. It has proven to be one of the most popular attractions, drawing tens of thousands each year as a favorite target for the International Cherry Pit Spit championships.
NWO Reporter contributing editor Henry Foster, a world-renowned cherry pit spitter, had an opportunity to meet with the revered reproduction of the man who once described himself as “the finest and most fascinating example of power and privilege ever to grace this planet.”
Now, read the full interview (short) at David Rockefeller Speaks on the Divine Right of Kings.
TheTinyDot
Sudden Human Predator Death Syndrome Spreads Panic in the Oligarchy
Nov 08, 2042
The ranks of the privileged and powerful are experiencing unprecedented panic as an unexplained and highly deadly epidemic of Sudden Human Predator Death syndrome (SHPD) sweeps through the upper echelons of the glorious global oligarchy.
SHPD is a mysterious malady that, to date, has only stricken psychopaths in the highest ranks of the ruling elite…
Henry’s next stop was Saint Rockefeller’s Hospital for the Super Important, where he spoke with pandemic specialist Dr. Ima Noatall, who, upon inquiry, seemed to know next to nothing at all about why everyone who is anyone without a conscience is dropping like flies.
“SHPD is selectively striking psychopaths at the highest level of government, banking and industry," said Dr. Noatall, “God only knows what will become of the world if we lose one more member of the IMF or Trilateral Commission. The Council on Foreign Relations is holding steady on numbers, since most of them are just clueless intellectuals convinced they are saving the world through secret manipulation, but they’re running around like chickens with their heads cut off without marching orders from the top.”
“What is the source of this plague?” asked Henry. “Is it a virus of some kind?”
“Unlikely,” scoffed Dr. Noatall, “death by virus is primarily an invention to sell pharmaceuticals, fear and tyranny to the masses. It’s true that just about anything from a germ to a pin-prick can take someone down when the immune system reaches a certain critical level, but Globalords are hardly of the class that would be facing that kind of deprivation or intentionally orchestrated destruction.”
“Have you identified a cause of death?” Henry asked.
“Almost all have been identified as either sudden cardiac arrest, brain hemorrhage or burst aneurism,” said Dr. Noatall, speaking in a confidential whisper, as if afraid the walls had ears. “Most of the upper echelons have been evacuated to their emergency underground bunkers, but it hasn’t slowed down the SHPD, not in the slightest. They’re dropping at the rate of about one every day. They’re afraid of their own shadows.”
Dr. Noatall reports that the Globalords have eliminated nearly every doctor, body guard, cook, servant and intelligence operative on their teams in a frantic effort to identify the source of the SHPD, but the demise of the elite has continued unabated. The wealthiest and most important psychopaths in the world, most of whom have never so much as trimmed their own toenails, are doing their own laundry, preparing their own dinners and scrubbing their own toilets, afraid to let anyone near them until the source of the deadly pandemic has been identified…
“It’s a horrifying prospect,” said Dr. Noatall, “but the only other explanation we can think of is divine intervention, which has long been recognized as a fairy tale created by ancient Globalords to discourage popular uprisings.”
Read more at Sudden Human Predator Death Syndrome Spreads Panic in the Oligarchy.